Christmas and Autism

Christmas is my favorite time of year!! As a child I used to peak under my door to see if I could get a glimpse of Santa's boot as he filled my house with presents.  My parents did a great job with Santa-antics, while still building a firm understanding of the true "Reason for the Season", the birth of Jesus Christ.

Before I became a parent, I imagined myself with kids... being that mom who went "all out" to make sure my offspring believed in Santa!  I still think the idea of Santa is magical....and I we all know I love magical things (hint: HP fan).  So, why does Christmas always leave me with a feeling of regret?  Well, it's because our Bella doesn't understand the concept of Santa, never has.  When she was younger, I tried to start some of the traditions that most households uphold (nativities, advents...ect), only to realize she would break the angels wings off and try to eat baby Jesus.  Poor baby Jesus ;) Our recent trip to a holiday light show reminded me of her sensory processing issues:(  Oh and Santa involves long lines (she really hates waiting).  So, I'm left with the realization that the whole "You better be good because Santa and his elves are watching" just won't fly.  In fact, this new "Elf on the Shelf" idea (genius by the way), is not something we can participate in because she has no understanding to connect the idea of "if I'm good, a magical person will make presents appear".  So much pressure on you parents... I do not envy you:)

Bella cares about spinning, laughing, tickles, and love.  She cares not one ounce about how many presents she will receive or if her sister will get more than her.  You know what?  It's a relief.  I often feel bad for parents of typical children because there is so much pressure at Christmas time.  So, although it sometimes saddens me that we have yet to be able to help Bella believe in Santa, I realize there is someone far more real who she needs to know.

Bella needs to know Jesus.  I could spend a year trying to help her understand the concept of Santa, or spend a lifetime talking about Jesus, praying to Jesus, praying on her behalf to Jesus.  

Today, I am thankful that autism shows me I need Jesus.  Today I am refocusing my efforts on Christ, and proclaiming his birth to my children.  Maybe one day Bella and Adeline will understand the concept of Santa (which would be so wonderful), but even more importantly the knowledge that Christ was born as a man, was crucified, and died for their sins.  That they can know the power of His  might (which far exceeds magic).

That is what Christmas means to me.  Don't let the hustle and bustle of the season take away from its true meaning:)

God Cares About the Little Prayers: Adeline's Birth Story

God really does care about the "little prayers"..... you know the ones that seem so small and  lie deep within our hearts.

Since deciding to "try for another child" I have been overcome with the fear of the "what if's?"....

What if we can't get pregnant again?
What if we DO get pregnant again?
What if I am unable to carry another child to term?
What if Bella reacts negatively to a sibling?
What if I am not strong enough as a mother of two?

The list could literally go on for days and I've come to the sad conclusion that my list of "what if's" was a general lack of faith in God's concern for the "little prayers". Well, once I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, I began praying out my little prayers.  I was almost embarrassed to approach the throne of God with such meager requests....but then I remembered what the Bible says, 

Mark 11:24 

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

I am not naive to the fact that God is the ultimate authority on the the happenings of my life.  After all, He is the orchestrator of life and death and what comes and goes between the two.  I prayed for a healthy baby in Bella, and I received our Bella early, with complications, and later with autism....to God be the glory.  My prayers were not answered in the way I had formulated them in my heart.  My Father however, knowing that Josh and I were created for a child like Bella, in all actuality gave us a "special gift" we had not the words to ask for.  I cherish her.

So, that leads me to Sunday.... October 13, 2013.  The day our sweet Adeline was born.  She is now one week old and I wanted to share how God cherished and granted the "little" requests that were buried deep in my heart. 

I prayed for a safe pregnancy, and it was granted.

I prayed for energy to continue to be Bella's mom and it was granted.

I prayed for the fear of an early delivery to be taken away, and it was granted.

I prayed for a child full term, and she arrived fully formed.

I prayed for a fast and "easy" (ha!) delivery, and it was fast and furious and as easy and I could imagine a birth going.

I prayed for a healthy little girl, and Adeline was healthy.

I prayed that I would be able to breast feed, and I am doing it!

I prayed that when Bella met Adeline, she would be calm and joyful....and it was so.

I prayed that Bella would not regress due to the presence of our sweet Adeline, and she has not.

God you are so good.

I am cherishing the lack of sleep and quiet family moments we are having at the Earls house.  My husband is a rock and there is something super sexy about a man doing all of the household chores:)

Meet Adeline Mary Earls 

I wanted to also include a beautiful song I found this week which has been such a blessing to my heart as a new mother.  It's a rendition of the Lord's Prayer (the most beautiful one I've ever heard).

Boasting in my weakness...

1 Corinthians 12:9-10

⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

As I sit here, only a week (or so) away from giving birth to my second little girl, I reflect on the goodness of Christ's grace on my family.  This pregnancy has been a blessing (well, I could do without vomiting and generally being as large as a whale but I digress).  We waited over four years after giving birth to Bella to "try again" to bring a new life into this world.  I was so fearful to divide my attentions away from Bella's "special need".  I felt ill-equipped and weak.  God broke down those walls of insufficiency and placed a desire for another child on not only my heart but Josh's as well.  I am human therefore I was still tempted throughout this pregnancy to doubt God's providence in this new little life.  I doubted I could carry to term (which I now have, praise God).  I doubted the health and development of her little body within me.  Right now, I am praying through my fear of giving birth again and having complications like we did with Bella.

I sometimes doubt whether Adeline will be a typical developing child, and whether or not she too will have autism.

Goodness, I am a worrier....

But, God is so much bigger than my doubt.  When I feel these feelings I am reminded of the verses in the Bible that speak of a tender and careful Creator.  A Creator who plans all things in advance for the good of his people, even disabilities.  Bella is perfect the way she is and Adeline will be as well, no matter what!

Today I prayed that Adeline and Bella would become kindreds.  That they would share a supernatural bond.  That Bella would love her sister and feel a connection that could break down the walls of autism for the rest of her life.  I prayed also that Adeline would love her sister blamelessly, that she would have an extra ounce of patience and admiration for Bells.  I praise God in advance for hearing and answering these prayers. 

Motherhood is such a blessing, I still feel so unworthy! I am imperfect, yet God always seems to use the less than qualified to bring Him glory.....so here goes nothing.  Pray that I sneeze and the baby pops out...hey, it could happen?  Stinkin' Eve.

Adeline's Nursery!