I hate conflict, I hate it so much. I'm a lover, not a fighter:)
When I got married my super-hot/outspoken/confrontational husband informed me that I will do just anything to NOT confront a problem and that I needed to stand up for my beliefs. In fact, the thought of someone disagreeing with me literally causes me physical anxiety. So, with that said, I am about to put my big girl panties on and touch on something extremely controversial. It's a topic that promotes polarizing views and unfortunately a lot of name calling. It's a topic that, for me, stirs up much, deep seeded emotion. I want to talk about VACCINES...
Why? Well, as I scroll through social media and hear conversations I am prompted to share our story. Am I offended when I am referred to as "selfish" "dumb" "retarded" or "stupid" because I am one of those families who struggle with vaccinating? Maybe a little but I get it, I get why you feel so passionate, and I still love you. I want nothing more than all diseases to be eradicated and I do want you to vaccinate your child if you want to. I don't want your child to get the measles. Oh, and for what it's worth, I do not consult Jenny McCarthy for medical advice.
Your story is not my story, but to stand in my shoes for a second you must read on:
OUR SIDE OF THE STORY at a glance:
-My daughter was premature and was delayed meeting milestones from birth forward
-My daughter showed signs of autism before vaccination (lack of eye contact, not meeting milestones, tantrums, sleep issues, stacking, spinning, food aversion/obsession ect)
-My daughter showed signs of gut issues/biomedical sensitivities from birth (food sensitivity/allergies and food aversions/cravings, butt/body rashes, diarrhea, fowl smelling fecal matter, gas, bags under eyes)
-My daughter did get her vaccines
-My daughter did have a strong reaction to her vaccines (fever, rash, lethargy, pause in development)
-My daughter has autism
-When I chose to vaccinate Bella it was a hard decision
-When I chose to NOT vaccinate our second child Addie, it was an even harder decision
MY OPINION simply stated:
-I believe vaccines work and are important for our society to thrive (not to mention the diseases that would come back without herd immunity)
-I don't think vaccines CAUSE autism *though many parents in the autism community do and I can see why as they watch their child disappear before their eyes* just not my experience
-I do think however that vaccines cannot be tolerated by children with the genetic/biological make-up autism presents as their systems are sent into a spiral when toxins are present
-I believe some children with autoimmune issues, gut issues, a family history of autism, illness ect should not get vaccines either at an early age or at all, because the are too strong/toxic for them
-I am informed. I do constant research, have talked to numerous doctors with varied opinions, and literally pray with tears about whether or not to continue to vaccinate my children
THINGS THAT I (AS AN AUTISM PARENT) CONSIDER and you should too:
-My husband and I researched and prayed hard about whether or not we should have another child knowing the statistics on autism and genetics. God gave us Bella and now Adeline and we will do everything to protect our girls (which may or may not include vaccines).
-NO ONE HAS FOUND THE CAUSE OF AUTISM!!! Did you know that? Its hard because my child has a life-long disability yet NO ONE has ever been able to tell me why. I sometimes envy parents of children with other disabilities because at least they know the cause. I am left to wonder ... which is the reason many autism parents (including myself) are willing to try a myriad of treatments, not because we are crazy, but because we are desperate!
-There have been many causes offered (none yet proven): environmental-factors, genetics, brain issues, vaccines, prenatal development (the list goes on). What is a parent to do with all of the varied opinions on this? If there was even a remote chance that something you do or did caused autism, would you do it again? When every doctor I see has a differing opinion, it makes decisions on treatment hard. Do you see? It's agonizing.
SO WHAT AM I TO DO:
As you read above, I do believe in vaccines but, I struggle with them. I have yet to vaccinate Adeline for fear she will respond the way Bella did, is that selfish? Maybe. Is it uninformed? Not at all. Do I have to weigh the risk of the diseases she could contract or conversely the autism link that has been disproven (yet I see first hand as I talk to the autism parents all around me)? Yes, and I lose sleep over it. Will I vaccinate my second child in the future when she's older? Maybe. Until then, I continue researching and agonizing as a parent.
Just know, for every article you post showing no link between autism and vaccines there are hundreds of articles that disagree and say otherwise. This is why I struggle....
1. 30,000 reactions are reported every year by the CDC, and between 10 and 15% are serious (hospitalization, disability, death).
2. Almost 4,000 people have been court awarded over 3 billion dollars (yes, that's 3 billion) in damages from vaccines.
3. This is an interview with Bella's doctor, Dr. Bob Sears who wrote The Vaccine Book and promotes the alternative schedule. We actually saw him the same day he did this interview a couple days ago and I hate how the media portrays him and tries to say he's "anti-vax" whatever that is. He tells his patients (us included) that vaccines work. But, he also sees first hand how children with certain genetic factors respond to ANY toxin put in their body, vaccines, foods, ect. He would caution those families on further vaccinations.
http://youtu.be/iNchtLXdB_g
IN CONCLUSION:
I am not a doctor
I am not anti-vax
I am not pro-vax
I am not friends with Jenny McCarthy
I love my kids
I hope you now see why I, as an autism mom, struggle with vaccines
Please stop the name calling, it stresses me out:)
With love and sweating palms due to confrontation,
Annie
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Friday, November 7, 2014
Inspiration in Unlikely Places
You are my inspiration, sweet lady at the nail salon.
You are in your 80's with straggly silver hair, glasses as thick as bottles, and a walker with worn in tennis balls.
You select a muted pink pastel nail polish and squint to assess the color on your wrinkled fingers.
You keep turning your head to check something. I am intrigued. What is it that divides your attention so perfectly? What could be so important that you are unable to relax and be pampered. Then I see.
Sitting beside you is your 60 year old daughter. I can tell by her ticks, vocabulary, and lack of eye contact that she has a disability.
My heart swells with many emotions. For a second I hurt for your life story then quickly I'm in awe of it. I suddenly identify with you so vividly.
Bless you sweet mother. You continue to be the caretaker for your child who needs you well into her 60's and beyond. She must keep your spirit young. Your daughter keeps asking to try the lotion the nail lady places on your arm, so you you give her some and comment on the beautiful lavender scent. Your daughter agrees and likes to smell so much I can tell she wishes she could eat it. After the excitement of the lotion, your daughter goes back to her seat and stares into space. What a lucky daughter you have. I wish I could have taken you both to coffee and talked through what this life entails for you two.
Just know, you are my hero.
I cannot imagine what life was like 60 years ago when your daughter was born. Disability was extremely faux paux back then, and many children were sent to mental facilities. I wish you knew how much admiration I have for you right now.
I sit hear pondering heavy thoughts ....
...will I have a daughter in my house when I'm 80? Only the Lord knows, but how lucky will I be either way. If she continues to develop to the point of independence, we are blessed and to God be the glory. If she still needs mom and dad well into adulthood, we are honored...and to God be the glory still.
You are in your 80's with straggly silver hair, glasses as thick as bottles, and a walker with worn in tennis balls.
You select a muted pink pastel nail polish and squint to assess the color on your wrinkled fingers.
You keep turning your head to check something. I am intrigued. What is it that divides your attention so perfectly? What could be so important that you are unable to relax and be pampered. Then I see.
Sitting beside you is your 60 year old daughter. I can tell by her ticks, vocabulary, and lack of eye contact that she has a disability.
My heart swells with many emotions. For a second I hurt for your life story then quickly I'm in awe of it. I suddenly identify with you so vividly.
Bless you sweet mother. You continue to be the caretaker for your child who needs you well into her 60's and beyond. She must keep your spirit young. Your daughter keeps asking to try the lotion the nail lady places on your arm, so you you give her some and comment on the beautiful lavender scent. Your daughter agrees and likes to smell so much I can tell she wishes she could eat it. After the excitement of the lotion, your daughter goes back to her seat and stares into space. What a lucky daughter you have. I wish I could have taken you both to coffee and talked through what this life entails for you two.
Just know, you are my hero.
I cannot imagine what life was like 60 years ago when your daughter was born. Disability was extremely faux paux back then, and many children were sent to mental facilities. I wish you knew how much admiration I have for you right now.
I sit hear pondering heavy thoughts ....
...will I have a daughter in my house when I'm 80? Only the Lord knows, but how lucky will I be either way. If she continues to develop to the point of independence, we are blessed and to God be the glory. If she still needs mom and dad well into adulthood, we are honored...and to God be the glory still.
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Autism: Secluded on an Island Where the Rules Only Make Sense to My Child
One of my friends recently watched the show "Parenthood" and privately messaged me to send sweet words of encouragement and to explain that they didn't realize what life was really like having a child with autism (the show portrays a family with a boy who is diagnosed with aspergers). I had heard about this show and hesitated watching it because sometimes its just too hard to watch your life played out on TV. I wondered how the writers would make autism look and didn't want to be disappointed or upset. Would they portray autism as a burden or a blessing? Would they make the child look crazy or the parents seem overly depressed? Would they do autism justice.
Much to my chagrin, I decided to watch a few episodes. I found that autism was actually a HUGE theme of the show Parenthood. They successfully portray a family before and after the diagnosis of their son who has extremely high functioning aspergers (on the autism spectrum). It seems that the writers for Parenthood either consulted an autism parent or that one of them has their own child with autism. I say this because, they do a great job helping viewers feel the pain of not knowing what is wrong with the character with aspergers (before diagnosis), and way the parents suffer through diagnosis and the utter sadness they exhibit at of the loss of a future for their child (or the future they had envisioned at least). Lastly, they successfully show the overwhelming chaos of life with numerous therapies and schedules!
I must admit, at first I was a little annoyed simply because the character on the show was so high functioning (in my head I'm thinking, whatever! I would be super pumped to have a child who could function that well!) How could they, or why would they want to show a child tantruming for hours, eating non-edibles, eloping, biting themselves, repeating the same phrase 100 times, kicking doors down, smearing poop on the walls, running naked everywhere--the list could go on and on. Why did I want to see that anyway and who would want to watch that on TV? Then I kept watching and found myself crying with the characters. Yes, their son was high functioning but the struggle was evident. Then I came to the conclusion that I still struggle with the fact that Bella is not diagnosed high functioning. She certainly is at a much better place then she was (she is diagnosed with moderate autism). She was recently evaluated and scored moderate in many areas (and even advanced in some academic areas--she reads over 30 site words already--smarty pants) but she scored severe in social behavior--so severe that she's at just under the social age of a two year old. She's almost six. That was a hard one to swallow.
Tonight a character on the show said something to the effect of "having a child with autism is like being secluded on an island where the rules don't make sense to anyone but your child". So true. I mean, we still cannot drive on certain streets without turning on the roads Bella is comfortable turning on....and we can only go a few places without full blown panic attacks....but that's our Bella. It's a chaotic world for our children which spills over to us, the parents.
So I guess I'm saying, I like it. I like the show. I know its a silly thing...but I find myself wanting to hug these fictional characters and tell them "it will be ok". Then I find myself wishing they knew Jesus. I say this almost everyday and I'm sure my friends are sick of hearing it:
THERE IS SIMPLY NO WAY TO FIND TRUE JOY IN LIFE WHILE DEALING WITH DISABILITY APART FROM CHRIST
James 1:2-4 (my "go to" verse)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
That's all. That's what I really wanted to say.
I love my Bella so much it literally hurts sometimes. I count her a blessing more than I could formulate the words to explain. She makes me a better person is EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. My heart is ugly. She helps point me towards the cross... where I can lay down all of the ugly feelings I have and be sharpened through the struggle, the worries, the anger, the disappointment, the loneliness-- replacing it all with JESUS and HOPE. So really, if you look at it, I'm lucky. Autism is beautiful, it's hard, but God allowed me to be Bella's mom. I thank Him for it, because I know God is true to His word... faith tested DOES produce perseverance.
Much to my chagrin, I decided to watch a few episodes. I found that autism was actually a HUGE theme of the show Parenthood. They successfully portray a family before and after the diagnosis of their son who has extremely high functioning aspergers (on the autism spectrum). It seems that the writers for Parenthood either consulted an autism parent or that one of them has their own child with autism. I say this because, they do a great job helping viewers feel the pain of not knowing what is wrong with the character with aspergers (before diagnosis), and way the parents suffer through diagnosis and the utter sadness they exhibit at of the loss of a future for their child (or the future they had envisioned at least). Lastly, they successfully show the overwhelming chaos of life with numerous therapies and schedules!
I must admit, at first I was a little annoyed simply because the character on the show was so high functioning (in my head I'm thinking, whatever! I would be super pumped to have a child who could function that well!) How could they, or why would they want to show a child tantruming for hours, eating non-edibles, eloping, biting themselves, repeating the same phrase 100 times, kicking doors down, smearing poop on the walls, running naked everywhere--the list could go on and on. Why did I want to see that anyway and who would want to watch that on TV? Then I kept watching and found myself crying with the characters. Yes, their son was high functioning but the struggle was evident. Then I came to the conclusion that I still struggle with the fact that Bella is not diagnosed high functioning. She certainly is at a much better place then she was (she is diagnosed with moderate autism). She was recently evaluated and scored moderate in many areas (and even advanced in some academic areas--she reads over 30 site words already--smarty pants) but she scored severe in social behavior--so severe that she's at just under the social age of a two year old. She's almost six. That was a hard one to swallow.
Tonight a character on the show said something to the effect of "having a child with autism is like being secluded on an island where the rules don't make sense to anyone but your child". So true. I mean, we still cannot drive on certain streets without turning on the roads Bella is comfortable turning on....and we can only go a few places without full blown panic attacks....but that's our Bella. It's a chaotic world for our children which spills over to us, the parents.
So I guess I'm saying, I like it. I like the show. I know its a silly thing...but I find myself wanting to hug these fictional characters and tell them "it will be ok". Then I find myself wishing they knew Jesus. I say this almost everyday and I'm sure my friends are sick of hearing it:
THERE IS SIMPLY NO WAY TO FIND TRUE JOY IN LIFE WHILE DEALING WITH DISABILITY APART FROM CHRIST
James 1:2-4 (my "go to" verse)
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
That's all. That's what I really wanted to say.
I love my Bella so much it literally hurts sometimes. I count her a blessing more than I could formulate the words to explain. She makes me a better person is EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. My heart is ugly. She helps point me towards the cross... where I can lay down all of the ugly feelings I have and be sharpened through the struggle, the worries, the anger, the disappointment, the loneliness-- replacing it all with JESUS and HOPE. So really, if you look at it, I'm lucky. Autism is beautiful, it's hard, but God allowed me to be Bella's mom. I thank Him for it, because I know God is true to His word... faith tested DOES produce perseverance.
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