And Here We Go.

Well,

Today is the day. In about one hour my wife will drive me to the pier and I will grab my sea bag (suitcase type thing that has all my clothes), kiss my wife and say goodbye. My daughter is staying at home with her grandma, if my little girl came to drop me off I don't think I could make it.
The emotions I am feeling are mixed. I am so excited to be deploying, I will finally be doing what I signed up for. I will have sailors that I will see everyday who I will have the chance to influence and share the love of Christ with. I am also very excited because believe it or not, even at the ripe old age of 28, this will be my first time outside of the U.S. I never imagined that I would see the world ridding a U.S. Naval War Vessel. But it is devastating to leave my family. My wife and I both have great families who will watch over my wife and daughter while I am gone, but to not see my 18 month old daughter develop and grow is so painful. I was thinking last night that when I get back she will be about 25 months old and with last summer and the deployment now I will have been gone for 11 of those months.
Bella (my daughter) is so beautiful and growing so fast. If you have read the previous post, her diagnosis is good. Her head is not growing as much as it has, which is a direct indicator that the hydrocephalus is not getting any worse. So thank you all for your prayers and support.

To close I thought I would mention what one does on his last day before a deployment. Strangely enough it is alot like a normal Saturday. I took the day off from work because I will be at work for 7 months straight. I got up early with my daughter, made her breakfast, waited until my wife got up, turned my daughter over to her then I went and mowed the lawn. After I finished I changed the oil in my wife's car and after I showered we went out and had lunch and ran some last minute errands. We then came back to the house where I played with my daughter for a while then I answered some emails and made some phone calls. We closed the day by watching a movie and then going to bed. So overall what one does the day before a deployment is very much like any normal Saturday.

God Bless
Josh

The most unlikely evangelical

So last Friday I went to a memorial service for a sailor who was found dead in a hotel room all by himself. They haven't come out and said that it was suicide but either way this is already the third suicide/death that I have been a part of dealing with since I came to Norfolk.
While I was at the the memorial service something surprising happened I heard the name of Jesus, repeatedly. I heard of His sacrifice on our behalf and I heard an appeal for all the sailors to put their faith in Him, and who did I hear this all from? A CANADIAN CATHOLIC CHAPLAIN!!!!!!!!! A your freakin kidding me.
Oh how I have been humbled. All the Protestant evangelical chaplains I have been around have been great but the one chaplain who steps up and says forget the norm of Navy political correctness is a catholic chaplain. It was a great lesson learned (sorry all, everything you do in the Navy you always talk about lessons learned afterwards) that I will have a limited number or years in the chaplain corps and that is fine, but my time should be spent proudly proclaiming Christ in all situations.


Another situation has come up in my families' life that I would like to ask you all for prayer in. When my daughter Isabella went to the doctor last month he said that he was a little concerned about her head size being too big. So we went and got an ultrasound taken, and even though the picture results weren't the best (she will have to get an MRI for better results) the doctor was able to see that she had some swelling on her brain. This is symptomatic of something called hydrocephalus which is basically a build up of fluid on the brain that can sometimes cause brain damage. Our next step is to get that MRI but also to have a consult with neurology. We don't know if little Bells will need surgery or anything like that but I know that we could all use your prayers.

Thank you all

Josh

Am I a wimp or a good dad?

Ok, I know that I haven't blogged in a long time. To be honest I just haven't been motivated to do so, but to give an update, in the last month and a half I have reported to the Surface Force Ministry Center in Norfolk, met with a few O-6 chaplains who have all given me their idea of what the chaplain corps is and where it is going. I have lived in BQ on base for 2 weeks (looking back on it now I know for sure that it was hell on earth). I have done a DITY (do it yourself move) into our house. I have been told that I was deploying in OCT 09, then no JAN 10, now no MAR 10, so we will see. I have listened to countless chaplains tell me what I must do to further my career (what career I just started!). Finally I have felt again what it is to be a dad who is always there.
I put my daughter to sleep, go and get her in the morning when she wakes, and gladly change as many diapers as I can (well except for the blowouts, Joe you know whats up). This brings me to my title question. I love the ministry that I get to do in the chaplaincy. I deal with really needy people, they have big issues that need a big savior. I want to paint a picture for them of the glory of God so that they can say "this is a God who can meet me in my greatest despair and lift me to joy unspeakable." But that all comes with a cost. This first deployment is going to be 8 months, then 8 months back, then out for at least 6 more. But it is not just the deployments, there are group sails to get ready for the deployments, last minute calls to do this and that, "CHAPS go help all the other families, yours should always be just fine without you!" I asked a fellow chaplain here how his family plans to do anything and he said his wife and kids plan to do whatever and the thought is "dad will be a part of it as much as possible." I don't want to be a part of my child's (and Lord willing children's) life as much as possible. I am her DAD!
I know that many of you might be thinking, what the crap, didn't you think about all this before you went in. The answer is yes of course I did, but I didn't feel it. One of my favorite Piper sayings is a quote he uses from Edwards in which he is describing what it is to try to explain what a relationship with Christ feels like. He uses honey as an example. Edwards says that you can describe honey all you want with vividly clear language (the honey is brown and viscus. It has a thicker consistency) but until someone actually taste honey that have no idea. It is the awwhaa, when the first drop hits the tongue, this is honey! I want with all my heart to make a difference, for the glory of Christ, in this world and to be a part of changing the lives of many people, but I want more to see and be a part of my family.

There is a struggle though, what does the hard road described in the gospels look like? What does it mean to display the sufferings of Christ to a lost and dying world in and through my own sufferings? (Col. 1:24)

Not to sound too morbid but the reality is I will be dead in 40 to 50 years (I am 27), and the question is what will I represent and reflect with my life? Will I show my family the grace and love and glory and justice of God through my consistent presence always, Lord willing, pointing them to the cross. Or will I show all those things through the consistent and steadfast dedication to ministry in the Navy even though it means being away and other focused many times.
I know that you can do both and many faithful fathers have. I think of people like General Van Antwerp who has faithfully raised a family by being a reflection of Christ to them and God has been faithful to bring his children to faith in Him. But I don't know if I can do that, which brings me all the way back to my question, am I a wimp or a good dad?

God Bless
Chaplain Earls