Who will love her like I love her?

Before I knew her...
Some children need a little "extra love". Even before having two of my own, I have always gravitated towards those precious souls who "didn't fit in just right".  This desire led me to pursue my master's in special education.  While completing my degree, I found out I was pregnant with our first child.  Tears of joy filled my eyes as I showed my husband the pregnancy test.  We couldn't wait to meet this "being" that was equally mine, and equally his.  I remember one night as I laid in bed studying about all the different disabilities I would face as a teacher, I was prompted to tell God something.  It was nagging at my heart and so I shared it in a prayer, "God, I thank you for this pregnancy and for the health of the baby inside me.  I want you to know that I would be honored if you chose me to carry a child with special needs" Wait, what?! Did I mean that? I couldn't erase the thoughts from my head and it bothered me. After I prayed this prayer, I dug deep into my soul to try to grasp what I just secretly uttered.  It's almost as if God wrote these very words onto my heart, in that special way He does, to help prepare me for what was to come...fast forward 5 months, my sweet child was born premature with excess fluid around her brain....fast forward 2 more years and I heard the sentence, the one I secretly feared but clearly always knew was coming, "your daughter has autism". God was preparing my heart before Bella existed, He was showing me how to love those who are different, those that need a bit of extra love.

Parenting A Child With a Disability...
Being the parent of a child with lifelong disability is challenging.   My daughter has made many behavioral and cognitive gains but she is still far behind her age. I must think 10 steps ahead for my sweet girl to help her "make it through" daily tasks.  I sleep less, clean more poop than you can imagine, bake special foods for a special diet, organize supplements, plan ways to attend outings so that we have an escape route, must travel to places in town taking the same turns or tantrums will ensue.  I shed tears of joy and sorrow in the same moments.  I am so proud and so frustrated all at once.  I often feel alone yet so bonded with others.  I ponder heavy thoughts as I fold laundry or wash dishes....Will she grow to understand she's different?  Will she ever grasp how much I love her?  Will she marry? Will she become independent? I watch my peers have children who thrive and develop while I secretly worry who will love her like I love her... when I die?  This is the reality of special needs.  I feel honored to have been chosen as her mother because I know God created her perfectly just the way she is! I love her even on her toughest days because she is a part of me.  I cherish her tears as she tantrums because I know it's hard for her.  But you know what? You know what's harder than being the parent of a child with a disability? Having a disability! I cannot feel sorry for myself because I look into my daughters glassy blue eyes and see how hard she works every day.  From 9-5:30 she attends various school, speech, OT, and behavioral therapies.  That is not easy, especially when those therapies are meant to stretch and grow her.  She is my hero!

Love her the way I lover her....
So what does all this have to do with you reader?  This goes out to everyone, not exclusively teachers, school administrators, church workers, therapists, or even.... the random lady at the restaurant? One question I ask myself daily (as her mother) as I leave her in the loving care of others or go out with her around town, "Will this person love her today, the way I love her?" Listen, I know we all love our children more than anyone could love anything, but believe me when I tell you MY child is special.  Her existence is a miracle.  Her life was created to bring God glory.  At at all costs, I will protect her from the unforeseen in the world.  When you feel annoyed that she is screaming and it's hurting your ears, that's the least of my concern.....my heart is secretly breaking for her and I'm racking my brain thinking of ways to ease her pain.  Teachers, bless you.  You signed up for a difficult task teaching the youth of America.  I know you have a tough job with standards, parents, IEPs, (especially you special educators).  But, when you are tired....or have a "needy class"....please don't take it out on my child.  Yes, I KNOW her behaviors are tiresome and that sometimes she can be out of control, I live with her 24 hours a day.  I beg you to step into my shoes (better yet, into hers) and love her.  Remember that she works on her behaviors during and after school for hours.  Although she can't express it in words, she feels your negativity.

Love her.

This is not meant for anyone in particular.  I'm surrounded by teachers, therapists, church volunteers, friends, and family who all adore my child.  I am so thankful for these dear souls.  They give me the confidence to hand over what is most precious to me, a delicate flower....a rare gem, allowing me to trust, when everything inside me screams to doubt.  I want you to be "all in" with my child.  I want you to look forward to seeing her and even when she shows up frustrated--to keep smiling.  Your smile means so much to me and her.  It shows us that although she might give you a run for your money, you won't give up on her!

I strive to love my child, as Christ loved me.  It's the sacrificial love that 1 Corinthians 13 talks about:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails...

Autism & Essential Oils

People! I have some amazing news! I became a hippie:) Insert peace sign. Bust out the pachouli oil and lets have a toast.

Just kidding, well sorta. 

With the diagnosis of autism becoming a part of our lives three years ago my research led me to the benefits of treating autism from the inside out.  Changing us from eating cheez-its and sour patch kids to a gluten, casein, soy, peanut, banana free diet and buying organic meats and veggies.  Before autism I was happy as pig in a peach orchard to spend my days eating Taco Bell all day long.

Well, this leads me to the day I truly became a hippie last month.  I ordered Essential Oils through Young Living. Yes, you have heard of them.  You probably started running when a weird oil lady (who smelled like pachouli) started telling you that "you can dab a bit on the bottom of your foot" and you will solve world peace. I'll be the first to tell you I was and always have been VERY skeptical of easy fixes in life.  Either way, I was contacted a few times by various friends who I trusted and cared for who had shared some essential oil testimonials on the benefits of TREATING AUTISM BEHAVIORS with the oils.  I was given some oils to try out, liked them then bought some of my own.... then I became a peace loving hippie.

THOUGHTS ON ESSENTIAL OILS AND AUTISM

1. We started on two oils: PEACE and CALMING (just like it says), and VETIVER (focus/anti-anxiety): We noticed a reduction in anxiety and loud outbursts.  She has received accolades from her speech therapy and behavioral therapy workers already as they are noticing a trend of better behaviors.  I didn't even tell speech we had tried to oils because I wanted an authentic response!  I then added LAVENDER (calming)  and VALOR (anti anxiety)

2. I immediately ordered a "Premium Starter Kit" from Young Living because there were so many other oils I wanted to try (and with this kit you get 11 oils in the every day oil collection and a diffuser for $150).  I realized if I were to buy each oil alone it would be much more expensive and PEACE/CALMING, LAVENDER, VALOR are all in this kit.

3. Oh and I use the oils on my baby to help build immunity (THIEVES oil) as it is gentle enough to put on her skin.  I also us LAVENDER for calming/allergies, and I've used PEPPERMINT to help her with congestion.  Bella recently came down with a fever of 105 for three days. I used many oils to help her and also doused my 6 month old with THIEVES to be sure she didn't get it...and she didn't!

Here are the oils in the kit and what they do:

Just wanted to share something I am excited about.  I won't try to sell you on this, I just had to share.  It's something that I was super skeptical about and was proven wrong.  I am excited to continue testing these oils and sharing our successes:) You can now smell me from a mile away!

Interested?  Message me!  I hold online meetings to explain them for my friends from afar, or can meet face to face and give you samples to try.  I'm all about trying to see if things work!

Want to order? Here's the website to do so: ORDER HERE

*The PREMIUM STARTER KIT is the kit to buy if you want to be a wholesale member (like SAMS CLUB)- 24% discounts!

Don't want to order? That's ok, you must not like hippies.

**CONTACT ME WITH QUESTIONS

Peace, Love, and Butterflies

First, I have recently been reminded of the amount of faithful brothers and sisters in Christ who pray for our family (and Bella specifically), Josh and I thank you from the bottom of our hearts.  The prayers are felt so vividly, I cannot put it into words.

Second, I just read the last post I wrote and realized I needed to update you on Bella's progress.  She is almost recovered completely from her period of regression, to God be the glory.  After many, many tough days and nights, we fought and prayed through her struggles and came out stronger (with a few extra grey hairs to boot).  She has now adjusted to the presence of her sister (she's still distant but mildly interested), she has also stopped the incessant screaming sessions and all-nighters!  We changed a few things at school to make her less frustrated, added some new supplements through Dr. Sears (which I will fill you in on later), and started essential oils (more to come on this too...wow, impressed to say the least).

Third, and here's my hippie story:
So Bella gets therapy 4 days a week for 2.5 hours each session in home.  Applied Behavioral Therapy is hard work for kids with autism as it stretches them to "be present" at all times listening to their therapist and interacting with their surroundings (which at times can be excruciatingly hard).  Each session we start Bella off with a walk to the park to help her unwind and meet her stimulus needs.  She often cries when therapy starts and I hurt for her because she essentially spends her entire day until 5:30 doing some sort of autism therapy or school:( So, as a mom... I hurt for her and feel, at times, that I may be pushing her too hard.  Here's where it gets hippie...

...about mid January we were walking and a butterfly followed Bella for about four minutes down the path to the park.  I helped point it out to her and silently marveled at the way it bounced beautifully and carelessly through the air around her.  I noted the sweet moment and thanked the Lord for giving it to us.  Then the next week, it happened again on our way.  Then again, and again, and again... as if this butterfly was waiting for the very moment my sweet daughter would walk by to follow her.  Then, yesterday as Bella was having a tough tantrum and I was exhausted from the day with her precious teething sister, it came directly to our home.  I was pushing Bella on the swing and it flew by my face, almost hitting me!  I stopped and was filled with this strange sense of God's grace in my life.  I suddenly realized that this butterfly meant so much to me (hippie or crazy not sure) --- I closed my eyes and it was as if God was showing me that Bella is much like this delicate creature.  Think about it, butterflies don't start off flying.  There is a detailed and somewhat strenuous process that they go through as caterpillars to become the beautiful creatures that result:

"One day, the caterpillar stops eating, hangs upside down from a twig or leaf and spins itself a silky cocoon or molts into a shiny chrysalis. Within its protective casing, the caterpillar radically transforms its body, eventually emerging as a butterfly"

I laughed when I read "spins itself" because Bella does her fair share of spinning :) I literally almost cried as the butterfly flew by my face because I needed that reminder so desperately.  That God created Bella and is continually molding her into the person he has planned her to be.  She is shamelessly gorgeous, I know.  But, her little heart is precious too!  She works so hard to learn and strive and I thank God for the beautiful reminders he keeps sending me.  It's in the little things, I pray the eyes of my heart are always open to finding them.

Peace, Love, and Butterflies.