Wednesday, January 29, 2014

This Season of Regression

Matthew 11:29-30

New International Version (NIV)
29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

My husband and I were discussing the season of life we are in right now.  It's a hard season like winter is is dark, cold, and difficult to thrive in yet we find shelter from it in the warmth of a fire, safely nuzzled in our homes. It's a season of regression for Bella, a season of busy work schedules for Josh, a season of newborn babies, master's homework, and lack of sleep.  This is the season we are in and I have to tell you friends, Matthew 11:29-30 is my shelter today.

What does it mean to take Christ's yoke upon us?  I am not scholar of the Word but a yoke was used on oxen in days of old to carry heavy loads, it helped bare the weight.  Josh and I discussed this season and decided that no amount of extra sleep, or good days for Bella, or smiles from Adeline will help us function in times of suffering.  We MUST bare the weight of suffering WITH Christ, in unison.  I have found no other way to deal with lifelong disability.  I woke today feeling joy although my sweet Bella left me with little sleep.  She often wakes up at night (as she did last night from 1am-6am) and jumps on her bed, repeatedly screams phrases 100's of times, screams in anger, laughs hysterically... you get the picture.  As I was laying in bed watching the hours pass I pondered this life.  I wondered how God decided that Josh and I were strong enough for this season. That we could handle 24 hours of extreme tantrums, chairs being thrown, dents in the floor from computers being thrown... I awoke feeling blessed and I cannot explain this apart from the yoke of Christ.

Bella has been in a state of regression for the past six months and it is heartbreaking for us to watch.  We have seen the doctor, worked with therapists, changed school settings, and are still searching for the missing piece to "fix her".  The reality is, God is in control and he may not "fix her" today or any day.  I will diligently fight to help my sweet child become less frustrated, to stop hitting herself repeated, to stop screaming.  I will try my best to ignore her tantrums and reward her good behavior.... but all this pales in comparison to my prayers on her behalf to a merciful God who may choose to ease her pain.

When she was asleep, with tears running down my face, I begged God to begin healing her again (like he has done in the past).  I asked him to end regression and ease the pain I see in her face and throughout her body when she tries functioning in this world.  He may choose to do so, or he may not....but, He knows.  He hears me.  He woke me this morning to sweet tempered/divinely calm baby who smiled at my face and showed me it's ok.  To a husband who holds me when I cry and does late night runs to buy things to brighten my day.

God is good.  His burden is light and easy and something I cling to today.

I love my life.


  1. Praying for you all Annie. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Thank you for sharing your heart...we've seen some regression in our 4 year old twin boys recently too. All I know to do is pray and ask God for strength, encouragement and insight. Know that I will be adding your family to my prayer list-

  3. Praying for your precious family everyday.
    Though my granddaughter too, has needs (though much different, non-the-less they are concerns) both her, Bella, and another friend's daughter with concerns are in my prayers E-V-E-R-Y day. After reading your specific concerns, will pray more in detail for your family. <3

  4. Beautiful, Annie. A reminder that all good things will come to those who believe and trust Christ and a reminder that...

    Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written,
    “For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”
    No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

    He is our comfort indeed!

  5. you guys are so special, I know what it feels like to watch regression and question why. My daughter was a woman when she was stricken with a brain tumor. She went from being a firefighter and a paramedic, a job she dreamed of, to being as helpless as a baby having to relearn everything. That was regression. Before her surgery she accepted Christ and was saved. She now has taught Sunday School, and Awana and succeded in getting her mom back in church for over twenty years. She has taught Pastors and women of God about His love and forgiveness and how His strength is responsible for her progression. There are still days of regression regrowth of tumor, seizures, temper tantrums. I can tell you the days of regression are hard on everyone especially her. Annie cannot tell you this yet but for every hurt she feels about regression is replaced by great rejoicing on days of progression when she knows she did better and pleased those she loves. We do not know why these things happen but God does . Our suffering lasts only a little while and Joy comes in the morning new each day and is everlasting to those who love the Lord Love and Prayers from Marilyn and Tina Fontes

    1. Annie and Josh, I was so excited to see an article about you. My heart broke for you and your family as I read it. We retired to Gold Beach, Oregon in 2009. We were members of Calvary Baptist for years. Know that you are on a prayer chain here in Gold Beach. Several weeks back our Youth Pastor, Anthony, preached on the saying "God never gives you more than you can bear". Not true..............he sometimes does in order for us to surrender to Him, to draw closer to Him. In doing so we experience His mercy, His love, His strength and grace. Praying for you, big hugs for you...................Connie Richmond, mother of Cody Richmond.

  6. We're not in a season of regression but a season of puberty something that hasn't not mixed well with my son's autism. Almost 11 years of helping him with his autism and feeling like our family is constantly in the trenches, has taken a toll. Even my 14 year old feels the strain on our family. Your past blog helped me today. I am grateful that you write your blog and share your heart. Sometimes others can eloquently state what is hurting my heart and then turn around and put into words the peace that Jesus gives. Thanks, Annie.