Today is one of those days. No matter how I try to get around it, the absence of Josh is looming everywhere. I woke up missing him and since then, not even Starbucks has helped (I know, right!) ;) The Word, of course, has been encouraging but... sometimes I just miss him and that is all there is to it! All of the "it will be ok's" and "you'll get through this" lines are good to hear but they don't take the place of my husband (and thank you to all who have given me those lines, keep them coming).
For those of you who are military wives out there, I'm sure you understand this "looming feeling". It's like you are there but your heart is permanently in another place--the place where your husband resides. Sometimes I just close my eyes and remember his smell, his smile, and the goofy way he sleeps with one eye open:) I never thought I'd miss his smelly socks (and they do smell).
Maybe it's because our seven year anniversary is approaching and I made him something (shhh...it's a secret) that involved me documenting all of times we had together since our "inception" :) Tugging on those memories has proven to be to much I think! What I really need to do is stop creating sentimental artifacts and start watching Nascar (or something). No, I wouldn't go that far, Nascar is the ultimate low. Yes, it's true, watching cars drive round in circles (to me) is the ultimate punishment. Ok, so maybe not Nascar but, there has to be something else as mindless?? Some would recommend watching golf, but, because of my father's love for golf, I actually like it.
Either way, I will survive. I've got a little person (not an actual LP) -- Bella who forces me to snap out of my momentary woes and helps me live life to the fullest with or without daddy! I think I just miss him on behalf of her. So I miss him double. She deserves to have her daddy and it makes me sad that she can only see him on video. Thank goodness for Poppa's & uncles who give her some remnant of male presence. But, and this is a big but (he, he) our purpose in deployment is a heavenly one, full of sharing faith and suffering with other military families and proving that God is always there for us, even on days like this!
Praying for you girls! I cannot imagine how hard it must be but I think you are amazing. <3
ReplyDeleteHang in there! Anniversaries and birthdays are hard when they are away. I'm a phone call away if you need to talk. He is doing great work on the boat and you have the hardest job in the Navy! People tell me that all the time and I shrug them off but it really is the hardest job. You have to be Mommy, Daddy and everything else in between.
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