It made me sad yesterday…
…when I finally got to talk to Josh on the phone and I realized I forgot to tell him something so important. He said something to the effect of, "Were you going to tell her daddy this?" (not in a mad tone but just joking around)….after all, he is my "baby daddy".
Seriously though, it made me realize that deployments change EVERYTHING. When your spouse is around, they are the first person you call and converse with about all of life's joys, sorrows, and decisions. When they are gone (for this length of time), you can't just pick up the phone and call them at a whim. In fact, you honestly have to sit and think about all of the important things you need or want to tell them, then you get them on the phone and forget everything. When he calls, I just want to hear him talk. I can close my eyes and picture him sitting next to me, holding my hand. The last thing I want to do is talk about serious stuff. Then I think of all of the things I haven't told him and realize these are memories he will never be able share with us (unless I can recount thousands of hours which, with the brain cells I lost giving birth, makes this improbable).
It's a hard realization. Military wives have to be tough. I would never consider myself "tough". I told the guy that was doing our lawn to stop because I wanted to do it, then I realized…ewe, lawn work. But, I can do it…so I started trimming and sweating and actually enjoying yard work. I've also started all sorts of manly projects around the house. I even used a screw driver the other day! For all of you naturally manly girls out there, don't make fun. I'm just not as manly as you. I would not consider myself overly girly either. So if I'm not a man, and not a girl? Ponder this?
I have to go now because my daughter is standing alone in a corner. This naturally means she's pooping. Josh, here's something you don't know:
Bella+corner=poop. I'm just trying to get you caught up;)
I love you.