Saturday, February 19, 2011

My sweet joy...

My beautiful. My Bella.

Oh how I love you. Today she smiled at me and looked right in my eyes with a heart full of joy. Those are the moments I live for, I never take a smile for granted. Josh and I have decided that we've moved past the "grieving" stage of autism. I read, in the numerous books I find myself peeling through, that it's normal to go through these feelings when your child is diagnosed with something that has a "life-long" prognosis. Yes, she will always be different, but honestly.... I love her for that. I love that she is so different. Today she was outside on her swingset and I know most kids love swings but Bella, she closes her eyes ... lays her head back... and is in pure bliss. Watching the wind blow through her beautiful strawberry blonde hair brings tears to my eyes. Her sweet face shines in the sun and fills my soul with feelings so deep.

Therapy is going well. Some weeks I feel like we take leaps forward in progress, others... well are a little less promising. The fact is, this is a LIFELONG journey. We will be fighting for and with Bella to experience small and big successes all of the time. I love how graceful her daddy is with her. Josh adores Bella. She grabs hold of his heart so tight I feel like they are one:)

Lately Bella has tried communicating more. She's said: "up swing" (when she wanted to swing...mostly repeated after me when I said it like 10 times..but still awesome to hear), "horse", "SuperWhy" (she loves that show). Those are the new additions. Some words come and go (we hear them once in a blue moon). She hasn't been banging her head as much which is great but lately she's been hitting her mouth in frustration a little bit. She always says "please" when she wants food but getting her to name the food is hard "apple" is easiest. She said "nana" (banana) the other day but I haven't heard it since. The crazy part is that she understands virtually EVERYTHING we say. It's just hit or miss as to how long it takes for her to care to respond. One word that always gets a response is "bath" :)

We are moving next week and I'm praying that the change is easy on Bells.

These verses touched my heart the other day...Matthew 18: 10-14

10 “See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven. 12 What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? 13 And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. 14 So it is not the will of my [5] Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish.

First of all, the fact that God loves little ones so much puts a smile on my face. Also, when speaking of little ones, God says that "their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven"---in my Bella the Father is seen. The Father cares more about the "lost sheep" than the rest of the pack. I love this... praise God for his loving mercy on my girl.

Bella's mom.


  1. You are phenomenal. I am fighting my emotions now reading your words. I appreciate your honest expressions of just how you feel about all of this. Thank you for sharing your successes, big and small....they are ALL successes! :) I am praying that your move goes well!!!

  2. Leslie me told me how beautiful this blog post was. She was right! I didn't know that you and Josh both blogged on this site. I will try and be better about keeping up with it.

    I miss little bella boo. What a beauty. Looking forward to our visit soon!