Confessions of a Chaplain's Wife

Confession time.

I am a Chaplain's wife and I am so imperfect, there I said it:)

Every once in a while I get caught up in life...caught up in myself.  I forget that ultimate happiness on this earth is found in Christ alone.  Instead, I seek out joy through the things of the world.  If I buy this, or hang out here, or look this way, or.....the list goes on and on... it wears me out!  I push God out because he doesn't fit into my schedule, then I wonder where He was when I inevitably begin to spiral out of control in desperate need for his presence.  Why are we so inconsistent in our love and devotion to our Creator?  It is frustrating.  The one "Being" that cares the most about our lives, who is so invested in the little things... is the one we walk away from time and time again?   

How can I be a good wife, friend, mother, sibling... if I have no solid ground to stand on?  If the waves of life toss me about, there must be dry land to cling to!  When we push God away, we will push everyone dear to us away ultimately.  I cannot love others purely if I do not love God first, it's a fact. 

The truth is, God holds all things together with his mighty hands, and when He steps away and allows us to "do our own thing" He must shake His head wishing there was another way... wishing that we would just let go of the chains this world has on us.  The moral to my story is always found in Christ's mercy.  The fact that He never lets go... never gives up... never tires of my stubbornness....fills me with hope.  He loves me more than I could ever love Him.  When I reach out, he always grabs hold...no matter how far the reach may be.

I was reading an excerpt from a work of Jonathan Edwards that I wanted to share.  It reminds me that this life is fleeting.  That our focus must be properly placed onto eternity.

"God is the highest good of the reasonable creature, and the enjoyment of him is the only happiness with which our souls can be satisfied. — To go to heaven fully to enjoy God, is infinitely better than the most pleasant accommodations here. Fathers and mothers, husbands, wives, children, or the company of earthly friends, are but shadows. But the enjoyment of God is the substance. These are but scattered beams, but God is the sun. These are but streams, but God is the fountain. These are but drops, but God is the ocean. — Therefore it becomes us to spend this life only as a journey towards heaven, as it becomes us to make the seeking of our highest end and proper good, the whole work of our lives, to which we should subordinate all other concerns of life. Why should we labor for, or set our hearts on anything else, but that which is our proper end, and true happiness?" (Edwards, "Christian Pilgrim," in The works of Jonathan Edwards)

Yours truly,

Chaps Wife